TOYS :)

Henry came over to mine today with a pleasant surprise. He said he had a surprise for me on the phone, but he never told me what it was. When he got to mine, he was carrying a big white plastic bag & I was thinking, wtf.
Then he took it out and .. :)

TOFU x 5 ;) I was like CUTE.
Now more to add onto my soft toy family collection hahaha.
I swear I have WAY to much toys. What am I going to do with them all?
I am pretty sure mum's chucked out more than half before. Uhoh ..

 So, spent the day with the boyfriend. Playing around with my new phone. Not the greatest phone, but I like it cos it was for free :) I am just happy that I no longer have to use a tragic peaking phone.

Took some luvos .. :)

Yeeeh, we are definitely retards.

Aww. Total luvo alert.

Henry striking his best post.

That's the shit I do to my boyfriend when I get bored :)

Random post :) toodles. xx

When songs just expresses your every feeling & emotion

Keyshia Cole - Someone Tell My Heart



Easier To Stay - Lil Eddie Ft. Defy



I guess only time will tell ..

Jenny xx.

indescribable

The pain I feel is indescribable. It hurts, it aches, its like a 100 knives stabbing me, at the same time. I never thought I'd have to go through this heartache again. But I guess in reality its otherwise.

What do I do now?
Where am I meant to go?
What's my next step?
I don't know.

All I know is, I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to go through the same repetitive process over and over again.

Let it go? ...
I am not ready, not ready to say goodbye.
Not ready to let this go.

It was something special.
This means a lot to me .. I  really wanted us to work things out.

I really wished I never had to find out ..

No, things are not meant to be like this. Things were not meant to turn out like this. We were meant to be happily together, achieving that dream together. Our cafe ..

Everyone likes us being together, everyone was happy for us.We were happy for us.
Why, why do things always have to go wrong. Why do good things always stuff up.

I love you.. but ..
I really don't want to feel like this.

What do I do?

torn out

Never knew I could be hurt like this.
I thought I was stronger than this.
I thought I would be able to make this work.
How wrong was I.

It hurts.

What have I done to deserve all this heartaches?
Was I wrong to want to make this work?
I just wanted a simple and happy life, just you & me.
Is that too much to ask for?

I don't want to let go,
I am not ready to say goodbye.
I am just sick of this repetitive process.
It's always the same things.

I am hurt, deeply hurt.
You made a promise to me.
And you broke it.

People say, fight for what you love.
I did, I tried, I fought.
I put so much efforts into this.
I believed in us.

I just want to be your one & only.
I am sick of being second place.

Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg "California Gurls" Official Music Video HD

Katy Perry has a really nice body :(
This clip is making me hungry tho.

The tune is so catchy but so annoying hahaha.

have you ever saw someone that youu know agess ago like old skool friends. primary skool. or childhood friends and envied them so much

Not really, envy isn't the word. There's no point envying others. Why would I need to envy them? They are living their life & walking their chosen path of life. If they are happy, then I would be I am happy for them.

ASK ME WHATEVER ;)

do you still hate that girl from your school? didnt you have any good or close friends at your school?

Hate is a strong emotion, so no. I don't hate her. We don't have anything to do with each other, so that's that. Honestly, it was a long time ago so I am really over what happened.

I had a few friends in school in year 9 and 10. But a lot of drama happened. They went their own path and I went my own way. The one person that I had been close friends with since year 7 left the school & later moved overseas. So yeahh...

I was always closer to the people OUTSIDE of my school. I got along with them, considering majority of them were guys too. Hmm ..

ASK ME WHATEVER ;)

what's the worst thing anyone's ever done to you at school?

I went to an all girls' school so it was all about the bitchy behind-the-back nasty stuff.

Girls' can be so mean sometimes.

There wasn't anything particular that could be classified as the "worst". But somethings were pretty bad. People used to put random hatred notes on my locker, criticising me and saying really nasty stuff.

I remember there was this one time when this girl had gotten me really angry, she had been going around the whole saying nasty stuff about me to my whole grade. I don't know why she did that. & during volleyball training one afternoon, I saw her and just couldn't take her shits anymore. So I threw the ball AT her, it missed but I remember the whole volleyball team hated me for it. They just stood there and looked and I just ran out of the gym crying. And majority of the grade heard about it & the next day, everyone just hated me.

ASK ME WHATEVER ;)

hope u and henry work out uve had suchhhhhhhh a hard life..

I hope so too. But whatever happens in the future, its not in my control.Just hope for the best and expect the worst.

Hard life? I wouldn't say so. I know for a fact that there are people out there who probably is/was in a worse position then I was.

There's no deny it was pretty a very hard time of my life. It was very difficult to go through. There were times where I just cbf & want to give up. But then, I stayed strong & pull through.

Its the past now & I don't really think about it much. In a way I am thankful for what I went through, it made me a stronger person & I realised that I am much more tougher than I thought I was. =)

ASK ME WHATEVER ;)

A story

I was walking home today and once again, my mind started spinning. I thought of this one girl I knew, how much I missed her and how she came to be where she is today .. this girl ..

.....

" It was beginning of year 11, she had just came back from a 2 month overseas holiday. She's the happiest when she's overseas - spending time with her family and all. To her, it wasn't a holiday, she called it "home".

She didn't want to come back, she dreaded going back to school. She went to an all girls' school and every part of her body had hated it. She suggested to her mum she wanted to move schools numerous times, but her mother was always too busy to care. She hated school. Since year 7, it had been hard for her to fit in. She was never stable in a group, always an outcast. She felt that people disliked her for a reason that was never found. And then, there was this one particularly girl. who managed to make her life hell from year 7 - 10. Even though that girl had left her school at the end of year 10, the legacy of her hatred continued on in senior years.

Year 11 was particularly hard for her, her one & only friend had moved schools, so she was all alone. She was getting okay marks in her chosen subjects, she even topped one or two classes. But she still hated school. Every morning, as as she walks through the corridor, making her way towards her locker. She can feel there were pairs of eyes just staring at her, looking at her, giving her dirties, as though they were signally her to just get out of their sight, get out of the way.

She hated it. She hated school.

She had a few friends from outside of school, they've been friends for many years. They grew up together, went to church together and even though they spent almost everyday with each other, they never got bored of it. They were the ones that knew her, liked her, and accepted her for who she was. Every day after school, she would go meet up with them, just to hang out, to eat, to be together.

It was the the last day of term 2 that changed everything. Mid year exam had finished and she was quite happy with her exam results. The day started out as normal as every other day. She woke up, went to school, and went to meet up with her friends after school.

As she made her way up to the food court to meet up with her friends, she saw this familiar face. She's seen him around the area before, but they never knew each other. He was just looking at her, while being with his group of friends, laughing and mucking around with each other. She didn't know any of them. But coincidentally, one of his friends went to the same school as her friend. His friend had asked her friend for the girls' number, and her friend, thinking it was quite funny, gave it out to him.

A few hours later, she had received a phone call from an unknown number ..

"Hello , Hello .." she said.

" ... Erm .. hello .. is this xxxxx ? "

" Errr... yeah it is. Who's this? "

"Umm, I am sorry for being so random, but a friend of mine got your number from your friend and yeah .. I'm Geoff. I've seen you around before, at the foodcourt? .. I know this is weird, but yeah, i was kindov just interested in you .. "

" ... ... Oh k ... ..."
*thinking to herself* OH WHAT?!? Geoff? .. THAT Geoff? I know who he is! It's that guy that I always see around at the shopping centre and the food court.

"Yea, um, I was wondering if we can meet up? ... I know this is all so weird and stuff .. "

" Er, well... its so late at night, I don't really want to go out... "

" Oh that's okay, I know where you live .. er, it sounds so stalker-ish huh? .. It's just that your house is actually up the road from my friend's school and they've seen you around, that's why. Do you mind if we come over?!? "

Since her mum was once again away overseas, she didn't think it was much of a big deal.
- MISTAKE ONE -

" ... I guess .. er.. are you sure you know where I live? "

" Yeah, we'll be there in 10 minutes. Call you then. See you soon. " - hang up -


- DING DONG -

As she went to open the door, she couldn't believe her eyes. There he was, standing at her door with his 2 friends, Nelson & John. She was in still shocked when she invited them inside. They sat and talked for a bit about the most random things. It was weird and awkward but yet quite exciting.

"Did yous want anything to drink?" She asked.

" Nah, we are alright .. we are just going to go downstairs, do you mind if we use your bathroom? Nelson wants to dye his hair. "

That night they ended up staying over at her house.

2 weeks on and they were still hanging out, as they got to know each other more, they realised they were two different people and things wouldn't work out. Instead, Geoff moved onto her friend, Cindy, then later, her other friend Jess.

But at the end of the day, a group of people always just ends showing up at her house. And everyday, the group grew bigger and bigger. From 3 people to 5 people, sometimes even 10. It was all getting a bit too much for her. She just couldn't handle it anymore.

It was coming to the end of holidays and she thought this could been all over. Everything would've been just back to the way it was. But how wrong was she. She didn't realise once she's into their social circle, there was no way out. As school started again, they were still there, one week, 2 weeks ... it was all too much for her to handle. And as her school marked slipped, so did her attendance.

She didn't know where she was heading in life. She didn't know what she wanted. She was just wasting life away as the 3 of them slept in everyday. She lived her life like that for the next year. Aimless, goal-less, just wasting time away.

And then he came, and changed her.

It was December 2006 when she met him, they met through a friends birthday. He added her on MSN and they began talking. They were talking a lot, and grew closer and closer. He knew all about her and used to give her the advice that she needed. He was great.

Eventually, their talks grew from MSN to phone messaging, to talking on the phone. They talked every night, about anything and everything. She felt so comfortable with him and felt that she could tell him anything. It was particularly hard for her to trust anyone ever since she felt that people were taking advantages of her, with the squatting at her house and all. They started having a lot of feelings for each other and eventually started dating on the 2nd May of 2007.

She really liked him, and she knew he really liked her. He played a really major role in her life. He had convinced her to complete her schooling, and got her thinking about her future. He was there for her through difficult times, always standing by her side. Not only to give her the support that she needed, but he held her hand and walked every step of the way with her.

Sure, they argued a lot. They argued about the most pathetic things at times. They would say really mean things to each other. But no matter how bad the argument was, they always worked things out.

He was her first real love.

Everything was great at the beginning, it all seemed so perfect. They were "The Couple". But as the times went by, things started to change. She started taking him for granted and never appreciated the things that he did for her. She was always getting angry and annoyed at him for no particular reason. They were fighting from weeks, to days, to even hours. They were fighting almost everyday. He got so sick of it, but still stuck by her side. But then one day, he found something that totally betrayed his trust to her. She thought it was just for a bit of harmless fun, but he just couldn't take her crap anymore and gave up and left.

She was devastated. She couldn't believe it, He left her.

She didn't know what she was going to do. The feeling of being lost and aimless was there once again. She didn't know what to do. She didn't even want to live. She couldn't see the point of living anymore when she lost him. She thought he was going to come back, she waited for days, from days turned into months. Eventually she realised, he wasn't coming back.

She struggled to move on with life, he was still in her thoughts everyday. Everywhere she went, there were memories of them. She missed him a lot. Everyday she struggled. There were those days where she missed him a lot, and then there were days where she hated him for leaving her. Sometimes she even wished that he never came into her life.

A few months on, she heard from a friend that he had moved on with another girl. She couldn't believe it. How dare he? How could he just move on like that and she was still stuck there, crying every night, missing him. How could he do this to her? He said he loved her? Then why?

She couldn't believe it. She knew she needed to do something. She needed to move on as well. And one night when she went out with some friends, she met this guy call Eric, and a few days later, they started dating. They never actually had an official date, out of the blue, he just started calling her his "girlfriend".

It was the biggest mistake of her life, as if things weren't already bad enough for her. If things were to be ranked, he was definitely the worst.

At the beginning, he treated her nicely with respect and listened to her. He was the sweetest guy. She thought to herself, "maybe this could actually work, I could actually move on too. " She was happy. But good things never last. Once he got used to her being around in his life. He started to treat her differently. He started to blame her for things that had nothing to do with her, and he started to verbally abuse her. Calling her a bitch, a slut and other insulting words. From verbally abusing to physical abuse. He started hitting her whenever he was unhappy. She was his punching bag, his stress relieve. Whenever he felt like it, he hit her. There were times when he had hit her so hard it left bruises and marks on her body.

But still, she stuck by his side, she knew it was wrong, and it was stupid. Her friends had been telling her to leave him. They've been telling her she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. No girls deserves to be physically abused. But she also made up about 100 usless excuses to convince herself that it was okay. She kept telling herself, "This is the path I chose, I must keep going, I have to keep going. " She wanted to prove to herself that she too, can let go of the past and move on with life. She too, and forget about him like he has forgotten about her.

6months of this physically abusive relationship, she realise she couldn't handle it anymore. She needed to go, she needed to keep him away from her. She needed to leave.

She eventually left him and left the group. Him and his group of friends were the type of people that had no respect for girls whatsoever. They used to talk about "girls" as though they were just items and toys. She sometimes still wonders how she had ever put up with them..

She knew she needed to change. She needed to take control of her own life. She needed to be strong and stop letting other people take advantages of her. She needed to toughen up.

She started going out a lot, clubbing every almost weekend. She met some really awesome people. They didn't know who she was, they just accepted her for her. They didn't judge. They were just there with you, wanting to have a good time with you.

And then she met him ..

He was a tall, good looking, popular with the girls type of guy who she never thought would go for someone like her. She was boring, average and short, really short. They started talking a lot and he always made the efforts to see her. He was nice to her, and to her friends. He was fun to be around with, always making her laugh. He never judged her, he just accepted her for who she is.

He didn't care about her past, he never even bothered asking. He just wanted them to live a life for now, for the present and the future. That was him.

She didn't know if she was ready to let go of her first love, but deep down she knew it was time. The memories of him and her were to be cherished in her heart, whatever they once had is just the past now.

On the 14th February 2010, he asked her to be together with him..

" ... I know I am not your first, but I want to be your last ... I want to be able to make you happy... " he said.

She knew that was what she wanted, she wanted to be with him. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to let go of the past and create a happy memory of the future.

To her, this was like a 2nd chance. To create the perfect love that she had always wanted.

She doesn't know what's going to happen in the future, but for now, she's very happy & grateful."


And that girl, was me.


lovelove,
jennyxx

Stuck staring right at you ..

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Hmm, hopefully I am finised with my studies by then. Working full time at an accounting firm and saving up to open a cafe as a side business. Marriage? 5 years from now would make me 25 turning 26 .. I don't know maybe. But I want to establish my career first before I get into other things. So yeah, but who knows .. anything can happen in the future.

ASK ME WHATEVER ;)

Once again, I have decided to change blogging locations.
I got really bored with livejournal, it doesn't really give me that vibe and urge to blog. You know what i mean, jellybean?

Celebrated 4th month anniversary yesterday. Our way of celebration was to have a junk food fest. He came over to my place after work with heaps of junk food - trollis, strawberry& blueberry clouds, grainwaves, red rock deli salt & vinegar, easyway strawberry blacktea etcetc. Prior his arrival, i actually had two packets of migoreng and for lunch i had sushis, and had a potato and steak pie for breakfast as well. And now, i am eating easymac. I am such a junkfoodolic.

Discussed plans about my 21st with Will & Henry a couple of nights ago, came up with a few ideas and plans. I want my birthday to be really special this year, seeing 21st is a big deal and all. I want it elegant yet fun, classy but not trashy. And a fun theme where everyone can enjoy themselves. Once everything has been decided, I am going to get invites done. I want to give out invitations this year because its more sincere and meaning that way, Ohhh, I am excited!!

Won't be photodumbing for awhile due to my camera being gg'ed.

I am coming out of my hibernation this weekend with the crew. Can't wait! Kicks vs. Heels.. hmm, so kicks or heels?

Happy birthday Tash & Jeremy :)

lotsoflove,
jenny.xx